Author: Dr. Steroids

So it’s a new year. A new FA cup including ManU. yada yada yada. A new England manager Sven “the cell” Eriksson. As usual, a new year brings its share of potential new glories. Can anybody catch United at the top of the Premiership; bearing in mind they carry an 11-point advantage into the crucial part of the season? Can England qualify for the World Cup after a disappointing opening two games? A cruel or ignorant observer might suggest that the first scenario was a question not even worth posing; that Man United will win the league easily and without…

It’s the time of year for lighthearted relief and I thought I’d share some of the gems that I’ve come across from 2000. Just some of the things people said from Beckham to Barcelona, Brooking to Best, with a twist of me. Like some of the timeless classics from days gone by, you just can’t argue with logic. Who can forget when snooker became popular on television before colour sets were the norm – “For those of you watching in Black and White, the Pink ball is behind the Blue.” Enjoy. “Historically, host nations do well in Euro 2000.” Trevor…

So it’s Champions League time again as we enter the second phase this week. This is when this competition gets interesting with not a lot of space for slip-ups. Basically, it’s time to play or go away and there is no room left for “ordinary” teams. I’ve just witnessed a couple of matches that were quite different and interesting for that very reason. In order to convey just how diverse and appealing this game can be, let me contrast and compare for you Leeds United at home to Real Madrid with Paris St Germain hosting Deportivo La Coruna. Bear in…

Wrestling and the politcal arena. At a first glance they seem as though they are at two very different ends of the spectrum. However, these two areas have seen an overlap in recent times that must be addressed, not only by the wrestling world but by the political world as well. By now I am sure that most people in the United States have heard of Jesse Ventura, governor of Minnesota and former professional wrestler. He was elected in 1998 and has had profound impact on the political world with his honest form of politics. He does not use any…

The NHL should set a quota of 30 minor penalties per game, according to an Institute for Hockey Affairs proposal, which attributes a 25% increase in scoring this year to a 50% increase in the number of penalties called. “We believe that by setting the 30-penalty quota, the league will finally be able to attract the fans who disregard hockey because of its low-scoring games,” said Dr. Freddy Shero IV, director of the Institute. “And after all, isn’t that what its all about, attracting know-nothing fans?” The proposal analyzed play in the first three days of the current season and…

So we know who is the final. It’s Soccereptune versus Socceruto and this time the home utos outnumber the away eptunes by a two to one margin. The media has used up all the clichés they could muster pre game and all that remains is for ninety minutes of action to decide the Galaxy champions for 2000. FGFA (Federation of Galaxy Football Associations) officials, visiting dignitaries, President elect Gore Bushuto and the 224,000 paying customerutos inside the Stadium of Lightuto are joined via satellite by too many millions of viewers galaxy wide. I, of course, possess the only satellite capable…

Gary Bettman woke up the other day, got the milk out, sniffed it, found it had gone sour, then put it back in the ‘frig and hoped it would taste ok tomorrow. That sounds like the thinking behind the Commish’s latest brainstorm to improve the officiating in the NHL. This year, he says, the refs are not simply going to enforce the rules. No, says he, this year they are really, really going to enforce the rules. Yo, dog, queue up the loop tape. Hockey fans heard him promise better officiating a year ago about this time, and the year…

As the NHL continues to dilute its talent pool by awarding major league franchises to bush league towns, the sensible person might think the league would take serious steps to protect the players who can actually play the game. But, if we know anything about the NHL, we know it’s run by the judgment impaired. One year the crease is off-limits and the next year it’s not. Marty McSorley is banished for whacking Donald Brashear in the head with his stick, but Scott Neidermeyer gets a wrist-slap for trying to decapitate Peter Worrell. And instead of letting the tough guys…

Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away, an amazing soccer tournament was being held. The planets that qualified for the finals were Socceranus, Socceraturn, Socceruto and Soccereptune. In all of Jean Luc’s travels, the Enterprise had never stumbled across this galaxy and history has not recorded these events up to now. The games took place on Socceruto and they were heavily favoured to win outright. Nothing else existed on Socceruto except soccer. There was no racism, no politics, no wars, only soccer. The players were easily identified since their names matched their planet. This was a commentator’s…

One question comes into mind every time someone insults the integrity of professional wrestling as a sport; is it really a sport or a soap opera on steroids(no pun intended here)? This is a question that has plagued fans and critics alike since its invention at the turn of the twentieth century. There is no easy answer, however. It becomes necessary to look at the foundations of professional wrestling for a clue to its true nature. SOAP OPERA: The nature of professional wrestling lends itself very easily to the soap opera format. The definition of sopa opera is simply a…