Jose Canseco is so broke that he can’t even pay attention in court. In his latest lunatic-for-hire stunt, he graced the Japanese world of MMA with a performance that looked about as graceful as Captain Kirk fighting a space lizard on the old school Star Trek.
Since Canseco’s MMA days may be few, I’ve come up with the 10 things that Canseco is most likely to do next to pay for his ‘roids… I mean, to pay for his back-alimony!
10. Date Britty Spears
9. Partner with Avon to come out with a signature scent called “Desperate”
(If Avon is good enough for Jeter, why not?)
8. Make balloon animals at Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch
7. Infomercials: If Chuck Norris can sell a Total Gym, Canseco can sell a Snuggie
6. Record a demo w/ Timbaland in an attempt to make ‘roids cool
5. Coach QB’s at West Texas A&M—How else will they top Ryan Leaf?
4. Security Guard for Prince’s new tour
3. Fully-Qualified Greeter at Wal-Mart
2. Celebrity Rehab 3
1. Driving semi-pro stock-cars in Arkansas—he’s no stranger to the mullet, after all
