The General’s NFL “Open Letters”

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The General’s NFL “Open Letters”

This isn’t just one, big “open letter”; It’s a couple open letters to teams that really need someone to speak the truth.

I’m not saying that journalists in their towns aren’t doing a good job, but they also have to be politically correct—I don’t.  I’m not going to be nice to these teams because they don’t deserve it.

Today we’ll be speaking to the 3 teams in the NFL that need the biggest “talking to”: The Chargers, the Raiders, and the 49ers.  One team is good, one team is bad, and one team is ugly.

Cue the music, and let’s get started.

The Good

Dear 49ers,

I’ve been a fan since I was a kid.  5 years old to be exact.  I remember the loss in the ’83 NFC Title Game, but I looked past that to what a great franchise you were.

We had a great run until about 2000 when T.O. and his drama started to tear us apart.  Now we’re in the middle of “Alex Smith must redeemed-ville” and I hate it.

I don’t even understand why we picked this guy in the first place.  I mean, I’m no scout, but you guys MUST have known that he ran a gimmicky offense at Utah.  The only problem now is that EVERYONE knows that’s what he was running.  Why?  Tim Tebow isn’t going to be touched because he ran the same “gimmick” at Florida.

Now we’re stuck with this guy who might get better and might not.  We drafted this stupid Crabtree kid.  Does he even know up from down?  He’s a schmuck and everybody knows it.  Why did we give in to his salary demands?

We could have had a Ravens-style defense had you chosen to build something around Patrick Willis.  Too bad you didn’t!

We could have done something with Frank Gore, but the Offensive Line will make his knees give out in 2 years instead of 5.

I guess the thing that bothers me the most is this Alex Smith thing.  Could you at least do some scouting before you draft a Quarterback?  Usually I can pull for whatever you give me, but Alex Smith isn’t doing it for me.

Cut him, sign somebody, do something!  This team is SO close to being good and we’re going to waste our “window of opportunity” waiting for this guy to “maybe get well”.  I don’t have that kind of time in my life anymore.

I guess I’m just disappointed.  I’m not breaking up with you, but I’m pissed.  I’m really pissed.  I don’t everything to be “sunshine and roses”, but you’ve got to give Mike Singletary better than this.  He was the best choice you’ve made in a long time—don’t screw that up too by making him hate San Fran.


The General

The Bad

Dear Chargers,

Norv Turner is NOT the answer.  The worst thing that could have happened to you has happened.  He took you to the playoffs on a bye and lost to the hottest team in the league.

Now everyone thinks you got bitten by the Jets instead of the “Curse of Norv”.  Norv Turner is your biggest problem, but not your only problem.

A.J. Smith, this is for you.  This is screwing up a perfectly good franchise by firing a Hall of Famer.  Marty Schottenheimer didn’t do anything to you except resurrect your pathetic team.

When Marty hit the door you effectively destroyed any chances your team had of winning a title.  You can clone Phillip Rivers and it won’t matter.  You can graft LDT’s legs onto Darren Sproles’ and it won’t matter.

Everybody in that organization knew the “jig was up” the second you fired a successful coach.  Ask yourself this A.J.  Does anyone in the Chargers organization NOT look behind their back constantly?

If you fired someone who saved YOUR ass, what’s to stop you from “waving your magic wand” and getting rid of people on a whim?

Yes, you may be able to build a great team, but that team doesn’t trust you.  Nobody trusts you.  If they did you’d have gone deeper into the playoffs.

This lack of trust you’ve created has infected your entire franchise.  You deserve the bad combination of Norv Turner and yourself.  A “permanently lameduck” coach and the most volatile GM in sports.

Congratulations, you made me hate the Chargers for no good reason.


The General

The Ugly

Dear Raiders,

Have you NO business acumen?  Isn’t there someone in the twisted wreckage of a once proud franchise that can orchestrate a takeover?

Hell, we have people taking over companies that don’t want to be taken over all the time.  It’s a common occurrence in this country and not ONE of you can save the Raiders?

In “Wall Street” it worked just fine.

Isn’t there just ONE of you who are greedy enough to want to take this franchise away from Al Davis?  He’s running it into the ground and you know it.

You could orchestrate a takeover of the Raiders and move them back to L.A.  You’d be the heroes of the NFL.  Heroes I tell you!  It wouldn’t take much.

There are people with money who would KILL to invest in a pro sports team, and the Raiders to boot!?  Come on people.

I’m tired of the Raiders being pitiful.  I’m sick of it.  The first Super Bowl I ever watched was the Raiders kicking the crap out of the Redskins.  Where did all of that go?

You let this senile-egomaniac draft JAMARCUS RUSSELL!?!?!?!  Then you let him draft Darius Heyward-Bey and screw up the 1st Round pay-scale for half the league!?  Why do you think I’m stuck with Michael Crabtree making $32 million over 6 years with $17 million guaranteed?

YOU!  You did this!  Watch the “Wall Street” clip a few times, slick your hair back, get your “Michael Douglas mojo” on, and take our Raiders back you gutless cowards!

Highly incensed,

The General

There, I feel better now.

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