MLB Week 3 Sluggers and Slugs

As the temperatures heat up across the nation, so do some of the players and teams of Major League Baseball. On the other hand, it doesn’t matter how hot it gets, some things just won’t change.

Some of the biggest surprises thus far are the sustained play of teams predicted to finish in the bottom of their respected divisions. Also, one of the games greatest players had an awful week by his standards.

The Baltimore Orioles look like the “Bad News Bears.” The big difference is that they don’t have Billy Bob Thornton to binge drink and make it funny.  Is there anything they can do to help their cause?

Karma reared its ugly head this past weekend for the Milwaukee Brewers. Thursday they pounded the Pittsburgh Pirates by scoring 20 runs in one game. In a three game series with the Chicago Cubs, they only scored 4 runs resulting in 3 losses.

Which teams are trying to get on the guest list for this weeks “Penthouse?” Which team returned home to the “Cellar?” Finally, who are this week’s heroes and zeros?

Penthouse Pimpin’ and Cellar Dwellers

No. 1-3 – The top three teams hold their reservations for the penthouse in order, Tampa Bay Rays, Minnesota Twins and New York Yankees. These three teams are like old school gangsters. They do what they want when they want, and will slap you for fun.

Two hot teams on the waiting list are the San Diego Padres and the Oakland Athletics. The Padres are 8-2 in their last 10 games and are doing so with great pitching and guys we didn’t know had these capabilities. Its like finding out the librarian is a stripper — you knew she was hot, but you didn’t know she could pick up a dollar bill with her butt-cheeks.

The A’s are atop the AL West due to solid pitching and timely hitting. I don’t expect either of these teams to continue this play all season, and neither should you. It’s like dating a hooker; it might be nice for a while, but they’re still trash.

No. 28 – This week I welcome home the Kansas City Royals to the Cellar. Losing 4-6 this week and scoring no more than four runs in any game proves that you are the punching bag everyone thought you were.

No. 29 – The Pittsburgh Pirates have lost 7-10 and are losers of six straight. Pirate fans it is going to be a long season, so be sure to take some positives from your team — at least the members of your baseball team know how to treat women.

No. 30 – The Baltimore Orioles are averaging one win per week and are 2-8 in their last 10 games. Owner Peter Angelos, you should hold an open tryout from your fan base. Maybe you have a couple “Has Beens,” that you can use to replace the majority of your “Never Wills.”

Heros and Zeros

AL Heros

The Chicago White Sox live and die by the long ball. This week Paul Konerko went homer crazy. Konerko mashed four long-balls for South-Siders and hit .450.

The “Cuban Missile,” Kendry Morales, of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, playing only minutes from Disney Land put up some cartoonish numbers. Morales hit 3 HRs, with 10 RBIs and had a batting average of .542.

At the young age of 37, New York Yankees Andy Pettitte improved his record to 3-0 on the season and has a 1.29 ERA. I have been hearing an awful lot of HOF (Hall of Fame) talk for a guy who admitted steroid use. Maybe the needle is pointing in a more forgiving direction.

AL Zeros

This is a reflection of how the Boston Red Sox season is going; Dustin Pedroia, the heart and soul of the Sox, hit .138 with no HRs and no RBIs. Maybe the fact that he is built like a ping-pong player is finally catching up to him.

Sticking with the theme of bashing the Sox, Josh Beckett got that fat contract before the season started and is playing like one of the fat fans. In a game against the Texas Rangers, Beckett gave up seven runs, walked five, and only struck out four.

NL Heros

Mark Reynolds of the Arizona Diamondbacks was an RBI machine this week. Reynolds knocked in 11 runs, while hitting .421 with three HRs. Any time Reynolds can match his RBIs with strike outs, it’s a great week.

The St. Louis Cardinals youngster, Colby Rasmus, filled in as the stud in the order while a more notable player had a down week.  Rasmus hit .421 with three HRs and seven RBIs. This kid could be the player who puts the Cards over the top in the NL Central.

The San Francisco Giants Barry Zito was a few bad starts away from being a shoes salesman. Zito improved his record to 3-0 by yielding no runs and striking out 10 against the Cardinals.

NL Zeros

The Philadelphia Phillies slugger Ryan Howard would have had trouble this past week hitting off a tee. Howard hit .200 with no long balls and only two RBIs.

Some people would make a career out of numbers like these, but the Cardinals Albert Pujols has made a career of chasing all-time great records. Pujols batting average limped to .250 with two HRs and just two RBIs.

Dan Haren is supposed to be the D-Backs ace. This past week against the Cardinals, he was the beneficiary of an offensive explosion. Haren allowed seven runs and surrendered three HRs bringing the total to five for this season. Haren is the second pitcher from the D-Backs to make the zeros list. That should tell you the kind of season it will be.