Baseball Regular Season Awards and Some Convos That Never Really Happened

The Baseball Regular Season is coming to a close with the Braves fighting the Rockies for the NL Wild Card and the Twins and Tigers duking it out for the AL Central.  Other than that it’s all downhill into the playoffs.  So, let’s get right to awards.  (Yes, I still don’t think the Braves will catch the Rockies and I think pigs will fly before the Twins catch the Tigers.  There, I said it.)

The Awards of 2009

AL MVP – I’m giving this one to Zach Greinke even though it will probably go to Joe Mauer.  I know Mauer’s important to the Twins, but he isn’t Greinke.  The Royals are 64-94 right now and Greinke has 15 wins.  A team like the Royals (you know, one that really sucks) would lose probably 10 of the games he won if he wasn’t around.  Now they’ve lost over 100 games before the end of the season.  In The General’s MLB he kept them from being contracted…if that’s not an MVP I don’t know what is…

NL MVP – Alright, Albert Pujols all the way, right?  I mean, the Cardinals keep winning the Central.  They’ve won a title with him, they always quietly go about their business and he quietly goes about his business.  There hasn’t been one ounce of hoopla over him this whole season except during the Home Run Derby (and that was a total bust…the best hitter NEVER wins that thing.)   He has 47 HR, 133 RBI and 16 Stolen Bases this season and it’s not yet over!  He’s the rock on a solid team (he’s a machine…you know like that SportsCenter commercial where he has the RoboCop vision and the copier tells him he should’ve eliminated Steve Levy and John Anderson?  Is it just me or is that commercial kinda believable?)…he’s the opposite of Greinke,but they’re still the same.  Without him the Cardinals don’t win about 10 or 15 games that he hit them into or carried them through emotionally.  If that isn’t the other side of the MVP I don’t know what is…

AL CY Young – Zach Greinke gets this one too.  If the Cy Young award is really for the BEST pitcher that season then you HAVE to give it to this kid.  he’s won 15 games on a ridiculously sucky team that couldn’t manufacture runs if Henry Ford was in charge of their offense.  So he gets no run support and still wins 15…that’s means he’s destroying hitters, annihilating their confidence as they stand in the box.  Just try to tell me that he doesn’t deserve this.

NL Cy Young – If we could give the Cy Young for “most uncomfortable looking pitching motion” I’d give it to TimLincecum (who’s killing it this year) but I have to give a nod to an oldie, but goodie.  Chris Carpenter.   He missed all of 2007 and 2008 and he’s older than dirt, but he’s still got it.  The Cardinals just can’t seem to do without him.  They’re surging this year because he’s back in the rotation and I don’t see how he wouldn’t be considered.  I know I’m on a Cardinals kick, but you know what, he does his thing and there’s no hoopla.  He’s an emotional leader on his team.  Don’t you think the Cards think they have it won when he hits the mound?  Don’t you think he’s telling younger guys how to win a title?  Don’t you think he’s smashing hitters now more out of skill than out of speed?  Once again, he’s the opposite of Greinke and yet the same…he’s old, but he’s the best.

Biggest Disappointment in all of Baseball – This one goes to the Oakland A’s and Billy Beane.  Every year we hear this talk in Spring Training about how Billy Beane’s a genius and he deals players with such deft cunning that no other executive in the league can touch him.  Let me ask you something…when was the last time the A’s even thought they were contenders?  That’s right, you can’t remember.  Neither can I and I’m not looking it up either.  They stink.  Therefore, he’s stinking at his job.  I’m not saying he should be fired (I will rarely if ever say that.  I’ll say someone’s going to get fired or cut because I know that’s how sports is, but you’ll really have to boil my blood before I call for you job on a stake.)  With that said, he needs to remember whatever he was doing whenever everyone decided he was this genius.  Now, it’s not all his fault, the players have to go on the field and play and you’d think the least they could do is not stink up the joint.  The only green in Oakland isn’t on the jerseys…I think there’s a green cloud over this franchise.

Most Worthless Big Namer in Baseball – If I’d been giving this award for a few years A-Rod would have gotten every year for the last few, but this year he’s not sucking.  Nope, this honor goes to……Steven Strasburg.  He hasn’t thrown pitch number one for the Nationals but he’s already made them look like horse’s asses and it isn’t going to get any better.  he’s not Greinke and you can tell.  Anyone who whines this much over millions of dollars that he WAS offered is going to quit on the Nationals faster than a pimply 16 year-old working the fry machine at McDonalds.  He has no prayer of succeeding.  Just his attitude alone is enough for every player on the Nats Major League Roster to hate him before they even meet him.

Best Acquisition of the Season – Cliff Lee, Cliff Lee, Cliff Lee.  The Phillies got a Cy Young Winner from a crappy team for next to nothing (it’s not the Pao Gasol for Kwame Brown trade) but it was really good.  The Phillies were already out in front and they just made themselves a million times better when they got a hold of Lee.  How is anyone going to score runs on them?  Honestly, when you’re a former Cy Young winner and you’re not the ace when you come over in a trade you know you ended up on a great team.  Cliff should be smiling because he was going to hell in a handbasket in Cleveland.

Most Surprising Team of 2009 – For me, it’s the Dodgers.  They had the whole Manny suspension thing, then they had to come back from a disappointment in the postseason last year, and everyone in L.A. just loves to crap on you (it’s just like the N.Y. media only no one admits it) and they’re the Dodgers….time has not been kind to them since Kirk Gibson hit that homer is ’88.  They came out in 2009, didn’t miss Manny for one second when he was gone and when he came he just sort of stepped right back in and they’ve cruised all season in the West.  Oh, did I mention they have the best record in the National League.  I only have one concern for the Dodgers (they better hope the Braves don’t win the Wild Card, because if that happens we might be reliving the early 90′s.)  That’s not good for the fans in Chavez Ravine.

The Most Useless 137 RBI in Baseball – Prince Fielder holds this illustrious…I mean dubious title.  He’s playing for a dead end team that was good once a couple of years ago and if I were him I’d be screaming for a trade all offseason.  The Brewers suck and his talent is being wasted on a dead end club.  If they had any respect for him at all they’d trade him immediately (screw the trade deadline)and get him somewhere where people can actually care about how good he is.  This dude, apparently, could hit the upper deck at Tiger Stadium when he was like 12….he needs to be on a good team…ASAP!

Manager of the Year – Joe Girardi has a Yankees team that has the best record in Baseball and his team is firing on all cylinders after he led a salary bloated team last year to no playoff bid.  He’s made a complete turn around with essentially the same players.  It doesn’t hurt to have A.J. Burnett and C.C. Sabathia, but he still must’ve done something different to get this team where it is right now.  Had I written this column last year I would have been laughing at the Yankees for missing the playoffs and proclaiming the end of “big bucks Baseball” and the coronation of “small ball”.  Now, they haven’t won the World Series yet, but they can keep their “era”going if they can win a title.  If not,then they will have to be reminded again that they haven’t won anything since 2000.  That’s going to be a tough pill to swallow.

Anti-Manager of the Year – Trey Hillman…I know, I know, you don’t know who he manages, but that makes sense since his team sucks big time.  Trey Hillman manages the hapless Royals.  Somehow he didn’t get fired and I guess the organization thinks he can turn it around.    Here’s how I look at it.  He’s got the best pitcher in Baseball pitching for HIM.  He doesn’t have to gameplan for that.  You’d think the least he could do is implore his hitters to, you know, hit.  If I were him I’d be telling the team something like:

“Men, you ought to be ashamed of yourselves.  This kid Greinke is killing himself on the mound and you people can’t even the stupid frikkin’ ball!?!?!?!  The next person to hit into a useless double play or fly out because they’re swinging for the fences gets cut!”

I don’t know how he can’t be over it.  He should be ashamed that he has such a great ace and nothing to show for it.

A Conversation That Didn’t Happen

In honor of my wife, who is a Reds fan, I want to briefly address the Pete Rose thing and the Bobby Cox retirement announcement.

This is Pete talking to Bud Selig about reinstatement:

Pete: Come on Bud, can I call you Buddy?  You know Bart Giamatti had it out for me!  I didn’t even bet on our team to lose…come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

Bud: Dude,  you’re more pathetic than me….I mean, really, that’s bad.

Pete: Come onnnnnnnnnnn…..ppppppllleeeaasssseeeee!

Bud: No.

Pete: Fine, I’ve got to get to an autograph signing.  Who needs your HOF anyways [except me because I’m desperate!]

{For what it’s worth, I think he should be in the Hall.  He’s one of the best from on the best teams ever.  That’s just me.}

Next is Bobby Cox discussing his retirement with Frank Wren

Bobby: I’m thinking about retiring Frank, maybe after next season.

Frank: Good, because I’m not gonna be the guy who fired Bobby Cox.  We ordered your statue last week.

Just one more thing today…

I’m not sure where this line of thought started for me, but I have to ask.  If you’ve got an answer please tell me because I’m confused.

If the Chefs (I know, it’s the Chiefs, but I love calling them the Chefs) have all the same weapons as Dallas and Cincinnati and those other marginal teams, how come they suck so bad?  Is it the whole “Priest Holmes is gone and Larry Johnson can’t do it alone” thing?  Or is it a coaching thing?  I don’t get it!


Dr. Steroids

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