Tiger: Done Playing 18 Hoe’s, Ready for 18 Holes

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Tiger: Done Playing 18 Hoe’s, Ready for 18 Holes

Every sports fan knows and has an opinion about Tiger Woods.  After the recent sex scandal, everyone with a TV and TMZ has an opinion on Woods.

You may not like Woods as a person, but you have to respect the fact that he is the greatest golfer since Jack Nicklaus.  Woods will be making his highly anticipated return to the links for the Masters, held at Augusta National April 8th – 11th.

In a statement Woods said, “The Masters is where I won my first major and I view this tournament with great respect. After a long and necessary time away from the game, I feel like I’m ready to start my season at Augusta.”

How has this four month hiatus affected the sponsors, fans, golf, and Tiger Woods? Does Woods have a chance to win this major event?

Thanks for Swinging Your Money Maker

When the deforestation of Woods personal life was cleared out, many of Tiger’s major sponsors dropped him.  Accenture and Gatorade ran from Woods like a CEO who picked up a prostitute with the wrong equipment.

Nike, a global company who built an entire branch of their empire around Woods and his golf game stood strong.  Incredibly smart I might add, this is a forgiving nation.

“We look forward to Tiger’s return to the Masters and seeing him back on the course,” Nike issued in a statement.

No kidding, no other one person represents a brand more than Tiger does Nike golf.  It’s like parking your Mercedes in a bad neighborhood, waking up only to find the emblem.  On April 8th Nike will be able to reattach the emblem to their Mercedes.

As for a company like Gatorade, millions of people are going to have to give Power-Aid a chance.  Accenture can almost guarantee a no show from Tiger at their tournament every year.

Thanks for trying to make a moral statement, but I like my golfers to dominate the field, not to instill my moral code. I, like most of America will forgive and forget.  Remember, this is a country who re-elected Bush Jr., all Woods did was cheat, its not like he sacrificed the lives of thousands.

Who Doesn’t Have a Skeleton

Passionate golf fans will be tuned in regardless.  Casual golf fans are going to be buying tickets and gathering with buddies to watch this event.

I admit that I really only follow golf when Tiger is in the field.  Due to the rise in popularity over the past 10 years, I would say I’m in the majority.  Woods gives us something to cheer about, love him or hate him.

Sure some fans will probably turn on him, but the point is they will be watching because they want him to be punished for doing something they wish they could.  Some of these people will be turning on him because they disapprove of what he did.

Let me ask you a question, how many of you out there would be ruined at your job if your deepest darkest secret got out?  If so, don’t act like your better than him just because people care that he had several affairs.

Athletes are human beings too, we know nothing about these people as individuals and we need to stop fooling ourselves like we do.  If you use them as role models for your youth that’s your fault, step up and be a better role model yourself.

Welcome Home Son

The PGA Tour has to be more excited than anyone about his return to golf.  Golf highlights have been pushed behind Hockey and Soccer in some occasions.  This is like being behind the fat guy at the buffet, if you get there at that point turn around and come back when the fresh food gets there.

Chairman of Augusta National, Billy Payne said, “We support Tiger’s decision to return to competitive golf beginning at this year’s Masters Tournament. Additionally, we support and encourage his stated commitment to continue the significant work required to rebuild his personal and professional life.”

Your damn right you support his return, this is going to make this one of the most exciting events of the year.  That quote roughly translates into “ OMG this is frick’n awesome, but we don’t want to sound greedy so… it would be great if you could quit cheating on your wife.”

PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem said, “We were pleased to learn that Tiger Woods will be playing the Masters in a few weeks.”

Mr. Finchem, “pleased” can not describe the elation you must feel that Woods is returning to your sport.  Without Woods the only difference between golf and the poker tour, is that we have to wait four days to find out what Euro or over weight muffin top won your event. Poker is recorded so we can look it up on the internet.

PGA Tour members, please stop pretending like Tiger is the only man on tour who is unfaithful.  Tiger Woods puts money in your pocket and validates any win you have while he is in the field.

What’s Left to Focus on

Now that screwing random women is out of the question, Woods can go back to screwing fellow players on PGA Tour out of victories.

I can only imagine that his wife is staying with him due to the large sums of money she will be receiving.  No way could any woman ever forgive you for the things he did, to make it worse everyone knows your business.

I got caught checking out a woman on TV, six months later I’m still catching stuff about it.  Tiger has it way worse than me, if he even looks in the direction of breast or vagina everyone will think he has relapsed.  This is why professional athletes shouldn’t get married until the end of their careers.

I believe that Tiger is going to come back pushing harder than ever.  The guy won the U.S. Open on one knee because people said he had no shot.  What do you think is going to happen when he is healthy and will do anything to get the media to stop talking about his world wide pimp’n?

Countless numbers of other transcendent athletes have faced extra marital affairs, granted not as publicly, but none the less dominance is in his blood.  Woods will take his off course stroking and put that energy into his on the course strokes.

I predict that Woods will be in the hunt on Sunday for a green jacket and if I had to put money on someone, it would be Tiger Woods.

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