The Picks…The NFL…October 4, 2009

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The Picks…The NFL…October 4, 2009

It ain’t gonna be all peaches, sunshine and roses when the Packers and the Vikings face off on Monday night.  The Packers and the Vikings already hate each other (kind of like the French and the Germans…only a whole lot more) and now the Packers have even greater reason to hate the Vikings and the Vikings fans get to gloat because they got the first-ballot Hall of Famer AND he made a miracle play last week (to a guy who’s name he didn’t know.)  Needless to say, that’s the marquee matchup of the week.

We’ve got some weird games going on this weekend and a couple teams have byes (Arizona, Carolina, Atlanta, Eagles).  While we’re on the topic…this is a great week for some and a bad week for others to be off.  With Arizona getting the week off they can regroup and decide on an identity.  This is the perfect time really, the players get the week off, the coaching staff has a couple meetings and comes to a decision, because right now Ken Whisenhunt HAS to know that his team has NO identity at all and that they are in mortal danger of continuing to Super Bowl losers curse.

The Panthers need a week off to decide if they want to play the rest of the season or if they just want to go ahead and forfeit all their remaining games.  They suck…I mean they really suck and I’m not sure where they’re going to get any sort momentum from at this point.  With Jake Delhomme playing Quarterback the way I would I’m afraid that the Panthers need to have a “come to Jesus” meeting or something, because they’re going to be picking in the Top 5 if they don’t watch it (wait that might be a good thing and they could replace Jake!)  The Falcons need to week off just to get it back together.  They’re 2-1 (which isn’t bad) but I, and everyone else on Earth, thought they were going to beat the Patriots and the Patriots stuffed them.  This is a good week for Mike Smith to get out his frustration of those stress dolls and then when the players come back Matt Ryan can give a Tim Tebow-like speech and get this team back on track.  They trust hi, they believe in him and he needs to renew that belief before next week.  The Eagles are probably wondering what they’re gonna do when Donovan gets healthy.  I mean, this Kolb kid played like a champ and now Donovan has a chance to get healthy and they need to make a choice?  With Mike Vick sitting back there as the 3rd-stringer, Kolb having just lit it up last week, and McNabb having never been Philly’s darling we have to wonder…is Kolb trade bait?  Is Donovan done in Philly?  Is Mike Vick getting moved to another skill position.  They’ve got questions in Philly….questions…

For the record, I’m 32-15…now the picks

Sunday October 4, 2009

Detroit @ Chicago 1 P.M.

Detroit finally won a game (woo hoo!) but now they have to play a Chicago team that 1)  Hates their guts 2)  Is on a roll and 3)  Is way better than them.  I said I wasn’t picking the Lions again all season and I’m keeping my word  (Don’t forget the reason why .  There’s is no way on earth that Detroit wins this game.

CHI – 24   DET – 7

Cincinnati @ Cleveland   1 P.M.

Alright, I know that Cleveland sucks but I’m still confused about the Bengals.  Are they good or not?  It’s hard to know which is true.  On the one hand you have consider all the positives:

Carson Palmer

Chad Johnson (I refuse to call that idiot Ochocinco)

Chris Henry

Tank Johnson

Rey Maualuga

Chris Crocker

Laveranues Coles

Marvin Lewis

But they’re still the Bengals.  It isn’t going to get much better and I’m not swayed by the fact that they made the playoffs a few years ago.  Whoop dee freakin doo!  They also went to two Super Bowls back in the 80’s…I’m not caring about that either.  I can’t get my head around it.

The easiest part for me is that they’re playing the Browns and Doofgini  and the Orange and Brown crew are freaking awful.  I can figure this one out later.

CIN – 17   CLE – 0

Oakland @ Houston   1 P.M.

This one is “pure crap” vs. “pretender”.  Don’t forget that the Texans haven’t really done anything yet and that the Raiders are…well….the Raiders.  They were once a proud franchise, but now they’re not.

The Texans are sporting the whole “we’ve got Gary Kubiak thing” along with the whole “we stole Matt Schaub from the Falcons” thing and the whole “we took DeMario Williams instead of Reggie Bush or Vince Young” thing and somehow they think that’s going to win football games.  It isn’t.  Not one of those factors has yet to make an overwhelming difference in a Texans season and it isn’t going to anytime soon.  Gary Kubiak is on the verge of getting fired if he doesn’t prove soon that he’s a “genius” and DeMario Williams better be glad the Texans are stupid because he’s filthy rich and they could cut him tomorrow and it wouldn’t matter.  Houston needs to get it together before I start proposing contraction rules like I did for Baseball and I won’t just be shooting at the Raiders….I’ll be shooting at Houston too.  This team pisses me off (although highly irrationally and I’m not sure why.)

On the other hand they’re not really playing a football team.  The Raiders are something more along the lines of the guys in “The Longest Yard”. (Oh, and I mean that in a bad way.  did anyone ever think for one second that Adam Sandler [who I think is hilarious] could’ve been a troubled ex-NFL QB who goes to jail and plays football with tough hardened criminals?  If I wanted to compliment the Raiders I would’ve gone with the Burt Reynolds “The Longest Yard” which is a much better movie, with a much better actor, who is way more believable as the ex-NFLer who goes to jail.  Let’s face it, Burt Reynolds is one of the coolest people ever.  Adam Sandler is just funny.  Stick to the funny Adam baby!  Let Burt handle the cool.)

I’ll give the Raiders that same advice.  Just stick to losing.  Until Al dies or sells the team you guys are screwed…why would you even bother trying to win?  Honestly?

HOU – 24   OAK – 17

Seattle @ Indy   1 P.M.

Alright, you’re ready?  I can do the whole play-by-play for this game.  Ready?

Imagine Gus Johnson doing this one…I love how he gets over-excited all the time…I think it’s fun.

Peyton drops back….and he hits Reggie Wayne.  At the 50, 40, 30, 20, 15, 10 , 5, Touchdownnnnn Reggie Wayne.

Oh, here comes Matt Hasselbeck onto the field.  They said he was very doubtful for this one.  Hasslebeck hands off and….he’s crushed by Dwight Freeney!  I think that’s blood I see on the….

This is when you see the test pattern go up on your TV screen and the network comes back with James Brown in the studio saying that the game has been called and Indy wins it 7-0.

{Let me note that I wish Matt Hasselbeck no ill will, but the Seahawks are desperate and I think he might go.  If he does he may not play again this season.  With that said, let’s assume he’s isn’t mortally wounded.}

IND – 34   SEA – 7

Tennessee @ Jacksonville   1 P.M.

Alright, these two teams are in turmoil.  The Jags are 1-2 and the Titans are 0-3.  I can’t see how Tennessee is going to go 0-4.  Can you imagine that?  An odds on favorite to make the Super Bowl for the past couple of years is going to start the season 0-4?  I don’t buy it.

The good news for the Titans is that they’re playing the Jags who have NOT been the odds on favorites to make the Super Bowl (ever) and they’re in quit mode where they left off last season.  They’re lucky to have the win they have and they better enjoy it, because they also might be picking in the top 5 if they aren’t careful.  Jack Del Rio needs to get his team together before the front office decides to fire him mid-season (I know they don’t do that in the NFL but it may happen down there.)  {Plus, I also heard on the radio once that he’s a bad tipper.  The host was at a bar where Del Rio came in, bought a $200 bottle of wine and tipped the bartender [some little 21 year old] two bucks.  TWO BUCKS!  Are you kidding?  He’s got the cash to give her $300 and tell her to keep the change.  I’m not one for firing people…I don’t want people to lose their jobs, but this dude has to have some cash laying around, a buyout in his contract, AND he’s a bad tipper (apparently)…this is not good for the Jags.) Besides, Jeff Fisher coaches the Titans, and he’s actually shown that he knows what he’s doing.

TEN – 21   JAC – 3

Giants @ Kansas City

I’ve got an answer to my question from a few days ago.  Why do the Chiefs suck so bad when they all the same weapons that other, more competitive teams have?  Larry Johnson needed someone else to be splitting the load.  When he had Priest Holmes there near the end of Holmes’ career at least Priest could shoulder some of the burden.  Now that Larry’s by himself their run game can’t hold up and now Matt Cassell has bad legs and they’re basically screwed.

Plus, they’re playing the Giants.  Time for another Haiku:

Osi, please meet Matt’s

37 year old legs

Clipboards are better

The Giants are going to crush the Chefs and continue their march to another Super Bowl.

NYG – 33   KC – 7 (BTW – I don’t care how hot it is at Arrowhead!)

Baltimore @ New England   1 P.M.

Ok, I still think the Patriots are dying as a dynasty.  They beat the Falcons, but that doesn’t cure all their ills and now they have to beat a team that’s better than the Falcons and better than them.  The Ravens have an intensely potent offense, a nasty defense, and Ray Lewis knows how to hit you where you’ve had surgery.

Everyone knows that players put out bounties on other players all the time.  How much do you think the Ravens defense put together to pay Ray Lewis to break Tom Brady’s legs off? $100,000, $150,000?  They aren’t playing around with his withering OLine and Tom has lost a step.  The reason they beat the Falcons last week was simple:  The Falcons defense isn’t nearly as good as their offense.  The Patriots got them on a bad day and watched them experience growing pains.  I know a few things:

1)  Tom Brady is no longer Tom Brady

2)  When I saw Tom ask Bill Belichick on the sideline “What the f*^& do you want from me?” I knew their dynasty was over.

3)  The Ravens didn’t beat the Steelers last year because Joe Flacco wasn’t ready (much like the Falcons didn’t beat the Cardinals for the same reason.)  I think Joey’s ready now.

4)  The Ravens defense still is..oh, and Ed Reed might have a double or nothing on Ray Lewis if he can come on a Safety Blitz and actually knock Tom’s head off his neck.

BAL – 27   NE – 14

Tampa Bay @ Washington   1 P.M.

I was driving to Downtown Disney in Orlando last year when I heard the end of Tampa’s final game loss that shouldn’t have been.  It cost Jon Gruden his job and Tampa Bay all their integrity.  I just thought he’d yell alot and come back stronger next year.  I didn’t think they’d fire a guy who’d won them a Super Bowl more recently than Mike Shanahan had won one in Denver.  Well, they canned him and now it looks like 1982 again.

Washington has the stupidest offense and a dumb coach who gave Detroit their first win in forever and now you would expect me to pick Washington to win again this season?  Nope, not gonna happen.  The rest of the season I’m picking against Washington.  I can’t, in my right mind, assume that they could win a Pop Warner game after losing to the Lions after Jim Zorn told a Hall of Famer that the Hall of Famer was wrong.  Bad move Jimmy.

TB – 7   WAS – 2

Buffalo @ Miami   4:05 P.M.

Did you know you’re actually supposed to pronounce Terrell [Turrull] like almost a guttural sound, like you’re from the Low Country {South Carolina that is}?  I had no idea!  Well, Turrull is already yapping and it seems that Dick Jauron has lost this team.  Chad Pennington’s arm fell off and no we’ll see if Chad Henne was a smart draft pick.  Personally, I thought it was very smart when took him a couple years ago.  I can’t imagine a scenario in which he doesn’t succeed.   He was very good at Michigan (they probably should have played Ohio State for a National Title) and if he’s been holding the clipboard for a little while he’s no doubt learned something…right?  Plus, he doesn’t have to win the game…the Wildcat is supposed to do that for him.  This is a recipe for disaster in Buffalo.  They should go ahead and move the team to Canada before te suicide rate gets too high in Upstate New York.

MIA – 27   BUF – 3  (Turrull will have at least 4 drops)

Jets @ New Orleans   4:15 P.M.

Ok, the Saints want to score a million points a game.  The Jets think they can stop you and score 15-20 points a game and win.  Something’s got to give.  I think this is a good test for Mark Sanchez to see how he comes up with ways to answer New Orleans scoring alot…because he’s solely responsible for answering that EVERY TIME.  I have faith that he’ll be a great QB in this league, but on this day he will be overwhelmed by having to answer a score every couple of minutes.

I know Rex Ryan is a defensive guru, but New Orleans scores without prejudice.  Guru or not, they’ll get you one way or the other.  Until the Saints show me that they can’t stop they I don’t think they will.  I had my doubts about this “scoring at will” thing….I doubt no more.

NO – 41   NYJ – 21

Dallas @ Denver   4:15 P.M.

Ok, Denver is the luckiest 3-0 team I can recall.  I don’t know how they got any of the 3 wins that they have.  I really just don’t know how it happened.  I mean, you ever go in a room of your house and then forget why you’re in there?  That’s how I feel.  I don’t know when the Broncos got to 3-0, but they are and I’m not sure if I’m dreaming or not.  For what it’s worth, Josh McDaniels looks smart right now.  I don’t know how, but he does.

Somehow the Cowboys are 2-1.  Wade Phillips seems like he’s slipping.  He’s a nice guy, his daddy is a legend, but that’s about it.  That scoreboard in Dallas isn’t enough to win games and I just don’t know how long they can hold up.  I don’t trust them and I cringe at the thought…..but I’m starting to trust Josh McDaniels.  There…I said it!  OK!!!!

DEN – 24   DAL – 10

St. Louis @ San Francisco   4;15 P.M.

Now I know how this supposed to go.  This is a game that the 49ers are supposed to win.  Not because it’s the Rams (who suck eternally right now) but because this team is not as good as them and they are supposed to win this game.  I trusted Mike Singletary from day 1.  I was hoping against hope they would just give him the job and I could pray for the best…well I think I’m getting the best.  I know Frank Gore is out, but this 49er team is still better than the Rams and a team coached by Mike Singletary beats team that are inferior to them…period.  The 49ers have an identity again!

{I think this bears mentioning.  Mike Ditka was so influential in the league that he is a Hall of Fame Tight End, a Hall of Fame Coach, he had people on his coaching tree go on to greatness, and now he has players who played for him going on to coaching (hopefully) greatness.  Can we name many more people who were this influential in the game?  Plus, Iron Mike is funny.  I love hearing him do interviews down here on the radio and I love watching him on TV…he’s just a cool guy.  The next we get a chance to go to Chicago I’m going to his restaurant…maybe I could meet him!}

SF – 24   STL – 3

San Diego @ Pittsburgh   8:20 P.M.

I know the Chargers are 2-1 but I don’t trust them.  I know the Steelers are 1-2 but I still trust them.  I know the Steelers made me look stupid by losing to the Bengals last week, but I still trust them.  I know Philip Rivers is supposed to a top 5 QB, but I don’t trust him.  LT is getting old, Michael Turner is in Atlanta, and nly Darren Sproles is left in San Diego.  I know Sproles is good, but not good enough to keep this up.  All it takes is one vicious Hines Ward block/special teams tackle to show Darren his place.  It is totally counter-intuitive, but I trust the Steelers.  They’re the champs until proven otherwise.  You know what it is?  I trust Mike Tomlin.

PIT – 21  SD – 10

Monday October 5, 2009

Green Bay @ Minnesota   8:30 P.M.

There’s no love lost here and it isn’t going to be all sunshine, peaches and roses, but this game is in Minneapolis which instantly makes me think one thing:  Vikings win.

Besides the fact that Brett proved why you pay $12 million for a Quarterback last week, I can’t think of a worse time for the Packers to try to make a statement against their nemesis than in the Metrodome.  I can’t think of harder place to play.  The only time that building didn’t come through on this theory was the 1998 NFC Title Game that the Vikings lost to the Falcons.  Otherwise, when this building is supposed to do something…it delivers.

The Packers are a cute little team, they’re 2-1, but this is not real.  They aren’t contending for anything.  The Vikings have this division wrapped up and they wrapped it up when they used to a miracle to beat the 49ers last week.  That alone should have been enough evidence to put them straight into the playoffs.  I’m not picking them to go to the Super Bowl yet, but can anyone explain to me how any other team in the NFC Norris (as Chris Berman likes to call it) can get anywhere near the Vikes right now?

The Vikings have the best player in football (Adrian Peterson) a Hall of Famer handing him the ball (Brett Favre) the perfect decoy to run go routes (Percy Harvin) and a defense that eats babies (namely Jared Allen.)  What else do I need to say?

MIN – 40  GB – 20

Enjoy the NFL Sunday and Monday.  I think league knew Brett was going to Minnesota when they made the schedule because this Monday Night game is just perfect.


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