NFL Running Backs: How Will the Teams be Dialing Them Up
[topsy_retweet_big]NFL experts say the shelf life for a running back is six to eight years. If that is the case then we need to check out some of the products that these teams have to choose from.
Currently teams seem to be breaking up with some of the members of their backfield like a middle school relationship.
Every team in the NFL relies on the running game the same way we rely on our cell phones. As soon as our cell phones break down and stop working, we trade them in like NFL teams do to their backs.
I have set up an equation for us to understand where these free agent backs fall.
1 year of cell phone life = 3 years as an NFL Running Back
What kind of cell phone category do LaDainian Tomlinson, Brian Westbrook, Thomas Jones, LenDale White, Chester Taylor, Reggie Bush, and Darren Sproles fall under?
I-Phone, Good but Overrated
The new generation of running backs in the NFL are guys who can catch the ball out of the backfield, split out as a wide out, return punts, and take the wildcat snap. These backs are very similar to the I-Phone functions; they are so versatile that you can probably download an application to wipe your back side.
Reggie Bush and Darren Sproles are two ball carriers that may not be able to run between the tackles, but can hit the homerun any time.
It has been reported that Sproles will be free to test the waters for next season. This leads me to believe that they are going to run their offense with an empty backfield. Sproles could recapture what a young Westbrook gave the Eagles.
Sproles is the kind of back that everyone wants, but not everyone needs him, just like the I-Phone. Your basic smash mouth football team is like a sixth grader. What the hell does he need an I-Phone for?
The Saints are reportedly going to keep Bush in the Backfield. Speaking of backfields, can some please tell me if you can download Bush’s fiancés booty as an app (Kim Kardashian)? I may get one just for that.
Everyone Needs a BlackBerry
The BlackBerry is a solid phone. It has a lot of capabilities on it, but is slightly bulky. These are the same qualities as LenDale White, Thomas Jones, and Chester Taylor.
All three of these men are going to produce the results that you need from a running back and can do it on all three downs. If you drop the I-Phone and it takes a pounding the applications might not work. However you can drop a BlackBerry several times and still dial that 911 emergency on third and short.
White is reportedly going to be released. He is unproven in the NFL as far as an “every down” back. White is capable of gaining a thousand yards in this league and effective scoring inside the red zone. White could look slimming in a Texans or Chargers uniform.
Taylor is well rested after playing the back up role to Adrian “Slippery Tips” Peterson in Minnesota. The Bears are reportedly interested in his services. Taylor would be a perfect back in that system next to young standout Matt Forte.
Thomas Jones is the perfect BlackBerry example, only people who have played with Jones understand his greatness. Jones isn’t flashy but he puts up numbers, the same way you pick up numbers from chicks at the bar, spit a little game and keep stacking up the numbers. Best fit for Jones is San Diego or Philly.
The I-Phone definitely has some great features, but for teams buying a new cell phone this off season, they should go with a BlackBerry. You have less malfunctions and won’t have to up grade for at least a couple years.
Only In Case of an Emergency
First of all, anyone ready this who still has a Nokia cell, please stop reading, go out and buy yourself a new phone. I know money is tight during this recession, but I’m sure Obama has created a bail out plan for anyone still using one of these phones.
The last type of free agent backs is a spitting image of the Nokia phone. Eight years ago they were great, even two to three years ago you could get away with one. Now they should only be used if your phone was on fire, dropped in the toilet, or ran over by a MAC truck.
I’m not even sure if your current sim card will fit in the Nokia phone.
LaDainian Tomlinson and Brian Westbrook were great backs in this league for a long time, but now its time for an upgrade. In fact any NFL team who still has a Nokia style running back should get a pager. A pager is like converting your fullback into a running back, it only serves one purpose, run straight and fall forward.
These two guys should only be used in the event that your I-Phone or BlackBerry style of running back suffered damages. These Nokia backs may come in handy for Halloween costumes or a 90’s party, which is like playing the Lions or Browns.
Find someone with a Nokia and look at it. The numbers are worn off, it’s broken, and certain things don’t work anymore. Tomlinson and Westbrook are the Nokia phones of the NFL. They still work but that doesn’t mean I want one.