NFL: Early Off-Season Activity From the Gridiron

This past Sunday was the first without NFL action in about five months. That doesn’t mean that the headlines stopped rolling in.

Congratulation is in order for the New Orleans Saints, their fans, and the city. Great, now we can all hate you, just like any of the other 31 teams.

While the players have started their vacations, management and ownership started to look towards fielding a team for next season. This particular off season is going to be tricky because they are headed into an uncapped year.

Some teams in the league I will never be able to understand, if you keep playing with fire, you’re going to get burnt. The Cincinnati Bengals are a prime example, why continue to be the National Football Leagues mental health rehabilitation destination?

Which players are rumored to be on the move? Who may be retiring, again? What Players are looking to be locked up?

Criminals and Crazies are Welcome

The Cincinnati Bengals have more arrests than pro bowl selections. For some reason they have appointed themselves as the place to rehab troubled players.

Which is why I wasn’t surprised when I heard that they were working out Adam “Pac Man” Jones. This guy has been a magnet for trouble since he came into the league.

After being released by the Titans, Jones signed with the Cowboys and was assigned a babysitter. Even then he managed to slip up, when he beat the crap out of his sitter in a hotel bathroom.

I feel bad for Carson Palmer and Bengals fans because the organization has turned the team into “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”. The Bengals can’t seem to understand risk vs. reward.

Chad Ochocinco has also made a plea for the organization to sign personally troubled WR, Terrell Owens. Although the Bengals made the playoffs last season, if they sign either of these players, they will prove why they ultimately suck.

Time to Sell the House

The Giants have recently cut LB Antonio Pierce. Pierce was a big part of the Giants Super Bowl win and still has a lot football left. He battled injury last season but I believe will be fine, Pierce seems like the kind of guy who would tackle his grandma if she played for the other team.

The Dolphins released one of the best trash talkers, LB Joey Porter, only to return him to the roster due to complex salary cap rules. This is like a husband who says, as soon as I can afford to divorce you, I’m going to get someone younger, hotter, and who puts out more.

The Saints are debating whether or not to resign their all purpose back Reggie Bush. If they do decide to keep him it will be at $8 million per year. I believe the only way the owner agrees to make this deal, is if he gets to sleep with Reggie’s girl, Kim Kardashian.

Show Me The Money

Dallas Cowboys break out WR Miles Austin is about to break the bank for Dallas owner Jerry Jones. When asked about getting a new contract, Austin said “No, not worried at all”. Austin knows that he works for the NFL’s version of a pimp, and if you bring daddy money, you will be taken care of.

The Colts are looking into making Peyton Manning the richest player in the league. That makes sense, no other one player is more important to their team than Manning is to the Colts. Maybe there will be a bonus for not throwing any Super Bowl interceptions, which would be nice, right Colt fans?

The Colts are also trying to resign stud LB Gray Brackett. Brackett is like a pair of New Balance shoes, they get the job done, but they aren’t as nice as Nike’s.

Please Don’t Go

The Vikings are in the process of dealing with the always retiring, un-retiring Brett Favre. The entire organization would love to have him back for one more season.

If the Vikings can’t get Favre, they will most likely target Philadelphia Eagles QB, Donovan McNabb. No player has been more under appreciated for an organization than McNabb has been in Philly.

McNabb in Minnesota would be a great fit for both sides and he obviously has more years left than the old silver fox. McNabb needs to get out of Philly like obese people need to lose weight.

Another rumored destination for the star QB is Carolina. That situation is a little better than the one he is in now and could put that team over the top. It wouldn’t hurt hanging on to star pass rusher, Julius Peppers.

A McNabb trade will be the blockbuster move of the off season. It will also begin the verbal beat down of the over hypocritical, ungrateful Eagles nation towards the organization.

Dr. Steroids

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