MLB: National League Divisional Predictions

Baseball’s National League is old school in the sense that pitchers still hit for themselves. That is also why the NL average ticket price is considerably lower than the AL.

No one wants to see Cole Hamels holding “the wood”, unless it is kindling for a camp fire.

The NL recently got the AL’s best pitcher in Roy Halladay. This makes the Phillies strong contenders to go to their third straight World Series.

The Cubs set out to win their first World Series since America abolished slavery.

What teams will be representing the NL in post season play? Could we see a familiar face in the fall classic one last time?

Doc Halladay Stitches Three Straight

1. Philadelphia Phillies
2. Atlanta Braves – WILDCARD
3. New York Mets
4. Florida Marlins
5. Washington Nationals

The only way I cannot see the Phillies winning this division is if the key to winning was in Manager Charlie Manuel’s gut. Big Chuck lost some weight this off season, but hopefully didn’t lose the chemistry for a three-peat. The acquisition of Halladay combined with signing several key players to long term deals locks up the NL East.

My surprise pick from the NL is the Braves clinging to the wildcard. When I look at the roster nothing really impresses me, but with this being Manager Bobby Cox last year I believe the team will pull it out for him. In traditional Braves fashion they will choke in the post season the way you do when water goes down the wrong pipe.

Speaking of choking, the Mets go ahead and get it out of the way during the regular season. They like to choke big, similar to a college freshmen taking his first ever bong rip. They stay relatively healthy but underachieve like always.

The Marlins could stay some what competitive for most of the season and try to buy another World Series at the trade deadline. I can’t see why they would want to do that since no one goes to the games to enjoy it.

The Nationals finally have something to be exited about, young flamethrower Steven Strasburg. The only problems are he only pitches once every five days and even if he throws a nine inning no hitter, you can’t win a game 0 – 0.

Red Birds Fly Away

1. St Louis Cardinals
2. Cincinnati Reds
3. Chicago Cubs
4. Milwaukee Brewers
5. Houston Astros
6. Pittsburgh Pirates

I hope I am wrong when I say this, but the Cardinals are going to dominate this division the way African Americans do the NBA. Albert Pujols now has a full season of protection provided by Matt Holiday and the development of the younger players. With a healthy pitching staff the Cards will crap all over the windshield that is the remaining teams in the NL Central.

The Reds are my second surprise team from the NL. I believe that the young talent on this team will arrive this season and end up on the Yankees next year. The Reds will give the state of Ohio something to be excited about, but they won’t enjoy it. Instead they will be preoccupied with who is stealing Ohio’s son, LeBron James.

The Cubs will sacrifice everything this year trying to have a chance at the World Series. That includes goats, cats, and Lou Piniella’s job. As a Cub fan I pick them to win it every year. Well this year I have faced the facts that they are overrated like the Reebok Pump from the mid ‘90’s.

Minor League in the Majors

The Brewers had their chance a couple of years ago when they traded for CC Sabathia. They do have some good young bats on the team but don’t really have what it takes for the long hall. Brewers fans remember that your team works the same way as your women, the more you drink the better they look.

If the Astros can pull off what the Rockets are doing by winning with no name talent then they have a shot at being 500. In actuality they should focus on the positive things, they have great looking women and excellent food. Houston, you have a lot of problems.

I have nothing good to say about the Pirates. The people of Pittsburg should be distracted from how lousy the Pirates are by the frequent updates of Ben Roethlisberger’s rape allegations.

LA Must Dodge Manny Meltdown

1. Los Angeles Dodgers
2. Colorado Rockies
3. San Francisco Giants
4. Arizona Diamondbacks
5. San Diego Padres

The Dodgers may have their own segment on TMZ with owners divorcing, Man-Ram being a child trapped in a mans body, and players sleeping with starlets. They do however have the best man for the job to manage all of this drama in Joe Torre. The Dodgers will make a move at the deadline to put them over the top and win the west.

The Rockies could capitalize on a Dodgers breakdown if they remember to play baseball for the first 50 games of the season. It seems like every year they only get in shape during mid summer, like fat chicks during beach season.

The Giants have a tremendous pitching staff complimented by a triple A lineup. If Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain can each win 20 games they may have a shot at the wildcard race.

The D-Backs are another team with a healthy pitching staff that can win some games. If you look at the batting order like women, there a few that you would sleep with but none of them you would marry.

The Padres could have Adrian Gonzalez put MVP numbers and Chris Young win 25 games and still not win 70 games this season. This roster looks like my fridge after Thanksgiving, filled with leftovers.

And The Award Goes To…

NL Cy Young – Adam Wainwright

NL MVP – Matt Kemp

Dr. Steroids

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