If you’re one of the millions of guys out there wondering why you and your girlfriend are never on the same page, you’re not alone. She’s probably wondering the same thing too—why you’re not on HER page. Women, the more complex of the sexes seem like they can never make up their minds but the truth is all you have to do is ask them what they want and they’ll let you know.
It may be completely different than what they said yesterday but honestly, it’s better to ask than to assume. I interviewed a couple of my closest friends to find out what they really want from a man and here are some of the results:
A Man Who’s Considerate and Thinks Ahead
A man who is considerate thinks about how what he says and what he does will affect his mate. A couple of my friends felt strongly about this attribute and gave simple examples such as “putting the toilet seat down” to complex ones like “having date night mapped out so I don’t have to come up with something after a long day at work.”
Women may appear to be emotional creatures but sometimes their emotions are triggered by something a man says. The best way to be considerate is to think before you speak and if you do say something and get a negative reaction, ask what is going on and see how you can make the situation better.
Thinking ahead ties into a man knowing when to step up to the plate and take control of a situation. It’s easy for a couple to get into the routine of one person always coming up with where they’re going to eat or what they’re going to do for fun. The women I interviewed were tired of always being the ones with a game plan.
So guys, if you know that the weekend is coming up and she wants to do something, throw around some ideas and see what kind of mood she’s in. Don’t wait for her to plan it, come up with an idea on your own. It doesn’t even have to be the most expensive or mind-blowing event — just having a plan is enough to let your woman know you’re thinking ahead and she’s worth the effort.
A Man Who Lets You Cry On His Shoulder
This idea has to do with a man who recognizes that his woman may get upset about the silliest of things that have nothing to do with their relationship. It sounds weird but sometimes all women need is someone to listen to their problems and to let them know everything is going to be okay.
Even if it’s the most trivial thing like, “All I wanted for lunch was sushi and not only was the restaurant closed but I got a flat tire and was late coming back to work. My whole day was ruined!” And she’s in tears when she comes home from work.
You might be thinking that the situation is nothing to cry over and not a big deal but to her, it’s the culmination of events that made her upset. All she needs is someone to lend an ear and when she’s done venting she will be thankful for not being judged over the trivial things that ruined her day.
A Man Who Is Affectionate and Compliments His Woman
All of the women I interviewed had this quality on their list. One friend gave the example, “Never stop telling a woman she’s beautiful.” One friend even went so far as to say, “Lie to us; even if you don’t like the outfit, if you know it’s her favorite, tell her she looks good.” That’s a bit extreme but no matter if it’s the first, seventh, sixteenth or twentieth year you’ve been together, women love to be complimented on their appearance.
They also love affection (although I will say there are a few women out there who are not extremely affectionate so you’ll have to gauge this out before you smother her with thousands of kisses). For the women that are, simple gestures like grabbing her hand when you’re out in public, caressing her face when you’re close or stealing a smooch when you’re at the grocery store let her know that she’s just as special today as she was the first day you met her.
Complimenting a new outfit or new hair style shows her that you are still paying attention to the little things she does to look good for you. It may seem so small and simple but in reality, these are some of the ways that make women feel warm and fuzzy inside.
A Man Who Has A Job and Is Responsible
This shouldn’t be surprising for anyone — people who are responsible and hard working are attracted to other people who embody the same characteristics. Women who have jobs and are dependable want men who are the same.
Women in a serious relationship are looking for these qualities to see how their man’s going to be as a husband and a father. They want to know that even if they are the most independent woman, you as a man are able to hold down the fort should something happen like a lay-off or maternity leave.
The Center for American progress posted an essay that discusses how maternity leave in the US is unpaid and even though some employers offer it, it only covers about half of the work force in this country. Knowing facts like these ahead of time can help couples have a plan for the future when children enter the equation. Women want to know that they have a partner who can take the reins when serious issues like these come up.
A Man Who is Visible
This is the idea that when friend or family functions come up, women want a man who is around to do these things. This isn’t to say that he has to come to every single event, but maintaining a certain visibility makes a woman feel like the boyfriend she’s been talking about for a year or so actually exists.
Making the effort to hang out with her parents, family, and friends is a great way to show her that you are physically there for her. Working long hours, sitting on the couch watching TV and always saying you’ll go to the next event takes its toll after a couple of years.
Obviously, it’s important for each of you to have your alone time but doing things as a couple is important too. Keep this in mind because you may have to attend something you really don’t want to go to in order to skip the next event that’s ten times worse — for example, an engagement party for her annoying friend who acts like a diva versus a two-year old’s birthday party with ten screaming children at the top their lungs.
She Wants You
Even though it may seem like what women in constantly in flux, one thing to remember is that she wants YOU and there are obviously some great reasons why. You don’t have to be the perfect guy and embody every single quality she’s looking for. Just try your best to be considerate and if you really are clueless as to what she’s wants, just ask her. The more you keep the lines of communication open, the more you both will understand each other.
